On my planning time, I relish the silence (except for my teaching neighbour who is barking at her grade 1 students for one reason or another). My kids are in the library and here I am writing in my Yahoo! Mail inbox, a message that will be sent to myself for safe-keeping, because internet blocks at my work means I can't access blogs and have no way of recording these thoughts in my blog drafts.
I am very frustrated in my job. And not with what I do. Teaching is something that I truly enjoy and something I look forward to doing. They say that you can't pick your family (which is true) but you definitely can't pick your co-workers (unless you are the boss). And for that reason, I am frustrated. I'd like to think that I'm on top of things at work. You have to be as a teacher ... there is no thinking of what to teach or how to teach it in the spur of the moment. Save for the "eureka" moments that happen during a lesson, teaching takes a lot of planning and a lot of foresight. It's not just words, but it's visuals and tactile manipulatives that really help to accent a lesson and really get a kid enjoying what the ministry of education deems important for them to learn.
Working with other teachers can either be really good or really shitty or really indifferent. I have been lucky so far in working with teachers that I've gained a connection with beyond the classroom and there are many teachers on staff who I call my friend. We bounce ideas off each other, give eachother and worksheets/tests that we've created and even set up meetings to plan for future units. And so far it has been really great.
And then there's the teacher who ruins that whole sense of unity. The teacher who ignores you and will go days without speaking to you, only to "play nice" when she needs something. All of a sudden she is attempting to converse and to joke around. But I'm not an idiot. I know that what this teacher is after isn't a sense of comraderie in the trenches of our students, but that she is just looking to mooch. "Oh you forgot to give me the test!" Um, no. Actually I didn't give it to you on purpose because I don't want you to have it. I didn't give it to you because that test was written at home, in my "spare" time, long after our supposed work hours. Because the thing with being a teacher is that there is no punch out time. There is always something to do, always a lesson to extend, always something to grade, always a parent to talk to, always something. And when I'm doing all those things as well as preparing sheets and notes home and tests and quizzes, well I don't want to share that with someone who only speaks to me when she needs something from me.
I'm not a selfish person. I will gladly share something with someone, without them even having to ask. After I changed grades, I even went so far as to give away a lot of the manipulatives that I had spent hours putting together, to the teacher who took my spot. And I did it with a smile on my face because I knew that if the rolls were reversed, I would've been given something by that same teacher, with a smile on her face. But when I have to struggle with someone that I am supposed to work closely with ... someone who complains about un-necessary things ... someone who pretends as though I don't exist ... someone who doesn't take the initiative to take on tasks that have so far been completed by myself or the other teachers (because we all have the same job after all -- I just choose to not do the bare minimum) ... someone who chooses not to contribute but has no qualms about taking things we've done ... when I have to do all of that? I want to be selfish. And this is why, in the heart of my frustration, I have decided to request a grade change.
As much as I would like to teach this grade for one more year (because seriously, the major problems these kids have with eachother is calling one another poo poo), I just can't do it with someone like her. And I know that there will always be people who I don't get along with. But if they are anything like me, they will pretend I don't exist AT ALL. Not just when I'm of no use. They won't strike up an empty conversation for the sole purpose of asking me for my teaching materials. I don't expect everyone to like me. That's completely unrealistic. I just can't stand fakers and posers. My planning time is now up and my students are due back from the library at any time now. So this is what it feels like to be able to vent in the moment. I wish I had more of an opportunity to do that. My usual vents come in the form of me calling up a friend on the phone in my room for a 2 minute rant. It's probably a good thing I don't have access to my blog ... this vent took all of 30 minutes for me to get out.
Serenity now. Serenity now.
EDIT: This was written a long time ago on my old blog. Obviously it was not a good day to be working with this person. I believe in karma and think that it will get you in a good or bad way, depending on your actions and the vibes you put out there. Years later, my new principal at a new school was thinking of bringing this particular teacher on staff and asked me about her work ethic since he knew that I had worked with her in the past. Needless to say, she was not added to our staff and I know that it is because of my lack of recommendation that she join us.
What is the lesson here today? Be nice to everyone because you never know if you might need them to help you out in the future.
