Thinking Of Yesteryear

In a couple of days, the world will embark on a new decade. We are in the future. The era of flying cars and escalators that take us up to floating buildings. At least that's what The Jetsons have predicted.

I guess the thing to do at this point is to reflect on the last ten years of my life to see where I've come from and how far I've gone.

I don't know. It seems like a good idea, but I hate the idea of looking back. There were a lot of empty spaces. A lot of holes. A lot of things I'd rather not reflect on. I really don't want to turn into a pillar of salt.

What can I really say about the last ten years? It was the best of times and it was the worst of times. Just like in A Tale of Two Cities.

In an effort to be somewhat symbolic, how about we call the first city the first decade of the 21st century? The second city can be the second decade. I know; I'm so deep and shit.

You know what? I will reflect ... but this time I'm keeping out all the bad things. That stuff can stay buried.

Things I have accomplished in the past decade - some without meaning to:

1) I collected four degrees that said I did this and that in university. I'm quite proud of those four pieces of paper. A lot of hard work went into it and I'm proud of myself for going against the grain and doing what would make me happy and not what was expected of myself.

2) I got a permanent teaching position. I know this may not seem like a big deal, but considering the working climate these days, it is huge. I have friends who are still doing contractual work. I'm grateful that I have a secured position.

3) I've been artistic. From creating custom-made invitations (each one hand painted) for my niece and nephews birthday parties, finishing an oil painting, a charcoal print, creative writing, knitting a scarf and dabbling in crochet ... I have been doing my best to nurture the creative juices that flow within me. I'm no Michelangelo or Shakespeare. But I do what I can with the talent that I've got and that is good enough for me. By giving myself new challenges, whether they turn out to look pretty decent or as if my 3 year old niece made it, I know that that side of me will never die.

4) I have been contacted by a Harper Collins editor as well as a Random House editor so that they could send me two books. Hey, a free book is a free book. And with my love of reading, I definitely make a dent in my wallet for all the books I buy. But to me, it's more than a free book. I've also been contacted by an author (a budding one) who wanted me to review his book. It may seem like free books to an outsider, but to me it's an opportunity for something more. I don't know how else to explain it ... I just know that these contacts will help play a role for me sometime in the near future. Call it a hunch.

4.1) I was approached to have one of my tweets was featured in the book Twitter Wit! And only a month or so after I went back to Twitter. It was pretty damn cool, I must say. Still is.

5) I have traveled. A tour of Southern Italy, Vancouver, New York (twice) and Greece. It's not much, I know. But it's a start. And I plan on adding many more destinations to that growing roster of places I've been to in the world. Just to kind of put it out there (wink, wink), I plan on visiting other places in Canada, including Montreal and I would love to explore the East Coast. Other cities in the US include, but are not limited to, Chicago, Miami, Las Vegas, San Francisco, Bahston and Seattle. Other countries include Australia, New Zealand (I'm there, it'd be a shame not to), France, England, Spain, Portugal, Ireland. Jamaica. Cuba. China, Japan. I'm getting giddy just thinking of it. I plan on crossing off a lot of these destinations in the next decade to come.

6) I've ended many friendships that were poisonous to my health.

7) I've gained numerous friendships that I hold dear to my heart.

It's not a long list, but it's mine.

Things I plan on accomplishing in the next decade:

Living a happy life. A fulfilling and healthy life. Smiling more than crying. Creating new friendships. Making a home for myself. And my own family -- one day. Taking it a day at a time. Being more trustworthy. Having faith that things will happen in their own time. Believing.

2010.

To infinity ... and beyond!

Positive Thoughts Can Make All The Difference In The World

My friend, Brandy, has asked several bloggers to post this extremely heartfelt post, that she wrote, on our blogs today so that the awesome power of positive thinking can work its magic.
Please feel free to copy and post this on your own blog.

Brandy, much love to you and the one you adore.



My name is brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He's a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He's the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He's the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He's a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He's made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He's listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He's recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He's the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I'm overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren't sure what's happening. He'll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what's going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as 'brandy's hot awesome dude'). If you don't pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven't seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I'm throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn't a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It's just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven't already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

Merry fucking Christmas.

Achievement UNLOCKED!!

Holy shit, Universe.

You've gone and done it again. I shouldn't be surprised, but every time you make things happen for me, I am surprised.

I think the thing that I am finally starting to get is not worrying about the how and just focusing on the what and the why and the feelings attached to it.

Okay, for all you readers staring at my blog all like, "huh?"allow me to explain.

A couple of weeks ago, my nieces asked me for an Easy Bake Oven as a present for Christmas. And my immediate thought was, "Oh awesome! Now I can get these little minions to bake me cookies that are semi-raw!"

I'm wonderful, I know.

I had already gotten them other gifts, but figured since they actually asked for the oven, I would get it for them as well.

This task proved to be quite challenging. Basically, there were no Easy Bake Ovens to be found as far as the eye could see!! They were completely sold out in every store within a 4-hour radius of where I live.

I have spent countless hours on the phone with Walmart, Zellers and Toys 'R Us. I have spent countless hours on the internet trying to find independent stores that might have the toy. I have been hung up on, I have been put on hold for longer than is probably allowed, and I would not stop getting the same answer of, "Sorry, we're all sold out."

Basically, it was hopeless. I was almost ready to admit defeat and have to resort to lying to them about it being ordered but it not having come in yet, and that they'd be getting it in the new year. Problem with that scenario is that I really wanted them to open it at Christmas time.

I had friends and family tell me it wasn't going to happen and then cock their head and say, "You think so?" when I told them that I still had hope that those girls would be opening up an Easy Bake Oven on the eve of Christmas. They scoffed at my hope, they did. But I didn't let that get to me because if there is one thing that the Universe has taught me, it's that the thoughts of others make no difference in my quest, whatever that may be.

The Universe always says, "Fuck the hows ... leave those up to me." But being a silly human, I want to know the hows ... I want to be in charge of the hows. So in my head, my how was that I would continuously harass these stores and probably threaten one or two until someone told me that they received a shipment and LO! it included easy bake ovens.

Of course that never happened. And it led me to feelings of defeat and dejection and to thinking that the company of Hasbro was not at all efficient in their production of Easy Bake Ovens and perhaps they should have thought to employ Santa's elves because then maybe there would not be such a shortage. Also, I had one week left to figure something out and I was grasping at straws.

Whenever I go through a state of despondency, it leads me to do nasty things to "hurt" myself. Like for example, yesterday I sent a message to my trainer asking if I could cancel my appointment with him without being charged because, apparently, if I don't have an Easy Bake Oven for my nieces, then I don't deserve to be slim and fit! Fuck you, healthy body! I'm staying home to drown in my sorrows! I sent a text with a blatant, but believable lie that I had Christmas shopping to do. It worked! He believed me! Man, he's so gullible.

Truth is, I had no desire to go outside and face the world. I read a bit. Checked up on Twitter. But, then I got a text that made me feel guilty. It was a text from my SIL asking if I had any luck with my quest. I said no. What I should've said was, "Noooo, can you believe that Twitter isn't selling any?! Teh basturds!!"

This made me feel like a bad aunt, so I once again hopped onto the websites to find the listed numbers to call WITH NO LUCK.

Suddenly, a light bulb went off in my head. Craigslist. OF COURSE! And wouldn't you know, I came across a listing that was selling THREE of them and asking the consumer to make an offer. I emailed the person and said I needed two and that I was having a very hard time finding them in the stores. I didn't make an offer, thinking that we could get to that when I decided I would buy them. For some reason, this possible transaction didn't sit well with me. Perhaps it was the grainy photo that was attached that made it look like the Easy Bake Oven was being held hostage. I don't know.

Doesn't Scrooge email me back asking me to pay 60 dollars for each one when I fully know that they are not 60 dollars even in the stores?! She told me she bought them at Zellers, so I wanted to do a little investigative work before I got back to her. I was going to call a Zellers in Toronto and ask them what the retail price was so that I can email Scrooge back and say, "What's with the 50% mark-up, beyotch!?"

The first Zellers I called made me wait for what seemed like an eternity and then hung up on me. 'Tis the season to be a fucker I suppose.

I called a second Zellers where a nice sales associate told me that the price had been marked DOWN to 25 dollars from 35 dollars! HA! I couldn't wait to email Scrooge back to let her know that I KNEW she was trying to screw me over. AND AT CHRISTMAS! Something stopped me from ending my conversation with the nice man ... his voice just seemed so reassuring. So I asked the nice man ... slowly ..., "Do you HAVE any Easy Bake Ovens in stock?!" "Yes, we do." OMG THE HERALD ANGELS ARE SINGING AND I HEAR THEM!!! They had them in stock. THEY HAD THEM IN STOCK!!

"OMG CAN YOU PUT TWO ON HOLD FOR ME PLEASE?!!?!"

"Of course!"

I AM GOING TO MARRY THE NICE SALES ASSOCIATE MAN AND HAVE ALL HIS BABIES AND NAME THEM ANYTHING HE WANTS, EVEN VOLTRON OR JAR JAR BINKS!!

I asked the nice man to give me his exact location again since I had a bunch of numbers in front of me and I forgot which store I called. I told him I'd be picking them up that night.

I had to drive across the city and into questionable areas but oh man was it so worth it. I had to wait in a customer service line for almost an hour, but again ... so. worth. it.

I had the toys! I HAD THE TOYS!!!

And now my Christmas shopping is officially done for the kiddos and I can rest for the remainder of the week knowing that I am the best aunt in the world who gives the best gifts.

I never would have thought that my own personal Scrooge would lead me to the ONE Zellers that actually had the oven in stock ... a store that I had called before with no luck!

My hat goes off to you, Universe. Well, I'm not wearing a hat, so I'll just give you a very awkward curtsy.

Oh, and I emailed Scrooge letting her know that I got the ovens in a Zellers for 25 dollars and thanks anyway! Ha, stupid lady. Doesn't she know that a Scrooge will never get his way at Christmas time?

It's Almost Been Two Years

I just realized that this blog is nearly two years old.

I remember when I started blogging back in 2006, I was lightly made fun of by friends.

"So what, do you like write about what you eat for breakfast?"

Yeah. Because my breakfasts are that fascinating. Blogging was new. It was somewhat foreign.

But, now, every person and their dog has a blog. Okay, well maybe not a blog, but I personally know of two dogs who use twitter. Yes, you read right.

I used my blog to vent, to be creative and to, essentially, put my life on stage.

I'm a different person than the one who wrote on this blog just a short year ago. Much has changed. It's funny though ... on the surface, things seem the same. But I know that I've made very long strides in my life.

Just even looking at the landscape of my blog, I find that I vent a lot less. This isn't the place I use to complain about my life, because I find that I am not really making that many complaints anymore. And it's not to say that everything is perfect ... far from it.

I think that more than anything, I am learning to embrace the imperfections in my life. I am learning that this is what makes me who I am.

I complain a lot less ... this doesn't mean that I have nothing to complain about. I just find that there are less and less things that irritate me these days. And it's not that things have changed or gotten better ... I think it's just that the way I look at things have changed.

I guess you could say I've put on rose-coloured glasses, but that is far too cliché for my taste.

Things on the surface may seem the same, but I know that things are different on the inside. Yes, I have my moments where it seems that the tears or frustrations just won't end, but as a whole, I find that I am able to let things go a lot quicker than I used to in the past.

I just find that some things are just not worth the energy.

I know where I'm headed. And, man, am I ever a patient person.

Sometimes, I just need the reminder that I'm moving forward. It's a good thought to embrace.

Happy Birthday To A Great Person

You probably won't read this, and that's okay.

I am writing this for me.

I'm so glad that I have been in your life. And I'm so glad that I had the privilege to see what a long way you've come.

You are a great person and one that I hold dear to my heart.

Time may pass and things may change, but you will always have a friend in me. And not distance nor time nor falling out of touch will change that.

Happy Birthday to my friend.

Holidays

She sits in his car and stares straight ahead. He is right beside her, but he might as well be on another planet. Sometimes she wonders if he would rather be when he is with her.

The radio is on and someone is talking about how if you don't act now, then whatever special of the week is on at whatever store will be over. She can't help but wonder why life is full of these opportunities that have an expiry date on them. Chances that, if not taken now, will slip away. The radio announcer man reminds her of this. She hates the radio announcer man.

Out of the corner of her eye, she can see that he is stifling a yawn. She isn't sure why. If he was doing it to not be rude, well that ship has sailed. Hmm. Another missed opportunity. An opportunity to be civil despite the circumstances. Again, her hate for the radio announcer man comes to the surface. Sometimes it's easier to project harsh feelings to people who don't even know they have it coming. Anything is easier than this.

The traffic light turns green ahead. She didn't even realize they had been stopped in the first place. It's funny how thoughts can take you on an invisible ride, that you don't even realize the one you're already on in real life is still going on whether you are aware of it or not.

"Hmm, looks busy. Might be awhile before we find a parking spot. 'Tis the bloody season."

He says this almost to himself. These days, it's very rare that a conversation is sparked purposely and directed at her.

He drives around slowly and she notices a car about to pull out beside him. She doesn't say anything. As awkward as things are, she still craves him. She still wants him beside her. She still doesn't want to share him with the outside world.

She wants to savour his absent presence for just a little longer. Because once they step foot outside of this car, she'll just be another face in a crowd of many. And right now, because it's just her and him in the car, he has to acknowledge her at some point.

Even if it's just to make a passing comment about the mundane things going on outside their window. Because even that is better than the nothing she has become accustomed to.