Revealing

As "anonymous" as I am on here (and if you read my blog and have access to my facebook page, then I haven't done a really good job of being incognito), I still find that I censor myself on this blog.

There are so many things that I would love to write about, but I feel like I can't for fear of being judged by you "real" people. And it sucks.

I'm not perfect. But I feel like I shouldn't really air out my insecurities or my setbacks. I don't know why. Some might think that it's because I feel the need to "look" a certain way, but the truth is, the more I reveal, the more you are in my head and the more vulnerable I am. Not even that ... I know that people go through rough patches and I just don't want sympathy, I suppose. It's one of the many reasons I've turned my comments back off.

It's a weakness is what it is. And I'm having a hard time dealing with it. Something that I've been dealing with for about 15 years now. It feels like there is no end in sight.

All I know is that I'm sitting here, drinking hot lemon water in the hopes that the hot liquid will break up the food more quickly in my stomach so it will come back up more easily. And this is what I think about most nights.

TMI ... I know. But it's what I deal with all the time. And it's hard keeping it hidden from everyone I know. I don't know that I want to face this monster alone anymore.