Sometimes I will say one thing and then do another. I get these urges that come out of nowhere and in no way match the frequency of the thoughts that I consciously put out there.
Sometimes I follow through with the urges and other times I talk them through in order to make some sense of them. I try not to judge them or wonder where they come from, because obviously they are coming from me and I wouldn't do anything to hurt me intentionally.
It's almost like I need to force myself to go through my day to day acts of life, but then a contradictory thought will come about, and I will act upon it without so much as a bat of an eyelid. It's strange. But I'm learning to trust it.
I'm hoping that in the long run, it will be worth the pain that it might cause now.
2 hours ago
