Clarity

You know, at times I question why I'm doing this.

The blogging. The spending so much time reading the lives of others. The investing of emotions in people I've never met. I wonder if I'm putting too much fervor (I swear to you that's a word) into my computer screen.

But then something will happen. Shit will hit the fan and it will back-splash all over me. Gross, I know. And sometimes, it's something that I just don't want to put a voice to. I don't want it out there in that sense. This is where the blog comes into play. It's here, I paid for the damn site, I might as well put it to good use. So I will put my story out there. Or I will throw in a post that makes no damn sense but will leave you, my dear readers, wondering about it. And then you reach out to me. And it makes me feel as if maybe there is something to be said for this after all.

You can relate to me, when I sometimes wonder who I am. You tell me that, "Hey, it's okay. I know what you're going through. I know how you're feeling. I'm here." And that? Ohh, that. It just makes me feel as though the universe is putting a blanket over me and tucking me in, telling me that things will be better, but in the meantime, I can just take a rest.

I've done a lot of thinking this weekend. A lot. And I've come to realize that I know exactly what I want. Right down to the letter. And there is no uncertainty and no doubt in my mind that it will happen for me. Because you know what I realized that I think a lot of people have a hard time realizing? I deserve to be happy. I deserve to feel happy.

I know that my posts are totally out there, but this is where my head is at right now. My mind is clear, my head is focused, the path is unfolding before me. How long it takes, how things will unfold ... those little details will reveal themselves to me as I go along. The only thing I need to do is to believe.

(I'm smiling right now at all of you out there scratching your heads at me.)